Her guy friends are in love with her

Thursday | September 4, 2025

Love Letters Dating

Comments

Her guy friends are in love with her

Send your own anonymous relationship, dating, and friendship questions to [email protected] or fill out this form.

This is a good time to do that.

Dear Meredith,

I have been dating someone for two years now, and there has been an issue that keeps coming up.

She has had a few “guy friends” that have been around since I met her. When I noticed she would always keep me separated from them, she said it was because they are in love with her.

I have tried to ask multiple times if I could meet them but it never happened (they are busy or the timing never matched up). I even asked them outright and she showed me their response. It was, “No I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

It’s like she is living two different lives and I’m not a part of her whole life. I was willing to accept them if they were normal friends, but they also buy her gifts (Apple headphones and flowers on Valentine’s Day), and it became very problematic in our relationship.

The worst part for me happened after having the talk – after I tried to tell her “they are not your friends, they want more.” I asked if she would distance herself from them. We would argue, and I would wind up needing space because of the disrespect, then she would behave differently, and then she would talk to them behind my back and ruin our trust.

I also think that her drinking problem fueled this situation, but I’m just not sure how to handle this and what to do. I love her with all my heart but I guess she doesn’t understand the damage this has caused me, and I’m torn on what I should do.

– Torn

Break up with her.

Sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear.

You love her, but that’s not enough. She isn’t treating you with respect, and this situation is – as you put it – damaging you. You can’t fix the drinking, which may or may not have anything to do with the rest of her behavior.

You never mention leaving her as a real possibility. I’d like to ask why. Is it that you’d miss her too much? That you believe she can change? That you think this is what you deserve? That you’re scared you won’t be able to fall for anyone else?

I’m here to tell you that you can leave this relationship, grieve it, and be happy again. You give her so much time and energy, but you can spend those moments doing things that make you feel wonderful. Get hobbies, invest in self-improvement, and go on dates with people who feel lucky to be there.

By the way, if/when you make the decision to leave her, she might make more promises. Maybe she’ll even make some temporary changes. But she has a lot of work to do on her own. Don’t let her pull you back in if her respect for you comes out of an ultimatum.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to stay? If she swears to change, is it worth another chance?

Send your own anonymous relationship, dating, and friendship questions to [email protected] or fill out this form.

Breakups 🖤 Cheating Dating Friends Jealousy

Featured Comment

It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong here or if there is more to what is going on than she has said. The bottom line is that you aren’t happy or comfortable with the way things are in your relationship. You’ve talked to her, but she isn’t going to change. No matter how much you love her, she doesn’t seem to be the person for you if you aren’t happy with her friendships or her drinking. Time to move on and find a relationship that meets your expectations.

The-Blog-Consigliere Share Thoughts