I’ve been dating a guy for almost two years. First dates quickly turned into a relationship in only a month. I was 19 and he was 23. We were the perfect couple.

After a year of dating, though, he said he needed a break. It was out of the blue for me, but he claims it was coming on for a few months. After many tears, we ended things for good. He slept with a few people and eventually one of those people was me. Over the course of three months, we hooked up a few times but generally stayed away from each other until I implemented a no-contact rule for good. I had to move on.

A month later he asked if I would meet with him. He told me everything I would ever want to hear about how he grew up and realized what I had to offer. He told me I was perfect for him and that he was an idiot. He wanted to take things slow and do it right this time.

Five months later we are the perfect couple again. We spend the weekends and occasional week nights together. We meet up on lunch breaks and visit each other’s family. He let me decorate his new condo, and he holds my hand around his friends. All the great boyfriend stuff. The only problem is I’m not his girlfriend. He won’t ask me to be. He is fully committed and not talking to anyone else, but he won’t ask me. He says he wants to be sure and doesn’t want to hurt me again.

Yesterday, we had a fight. He told me he doesn’t know if he loves me. He doesn’t know if I’m the the one. He cares for me unconditionally, but does he even know what love is? He’s had his time to be apart from me and he came back. He says he doesn’t intend on ending things with me. Should I end things with him? I’m 21 and have my whole life ahead of me. Can I waste another year on our happy relationship? Or do I begin the healing process now?

– Not the girlfriend