He was passive-aggressive after I offended him

Thursday | March 12, 2026

Love Letters Dating

He was passive-aggressive after I offended him

Some of you have had problems with your “read more” button. Today should be OK (and I’ll fix them on the letters from the past few days).

Thanks to those who let me know.

I’ve been dating a guy for a couple of months now. I’m in my mid-30s; he’s late 20s. I have a chronic illness.

Despite me not being very energetic, things actually seem to be going OK. He’s been really accommodating with my limitations, seems really interested in getting to know me, takes me out on dates, and got me a thoughtful gift. He did say he loved me on the third date which could be a red flag.

Last week he seemed contemptuous and implied I made a joke at his expense. He said I made a similar joke a few times, which I don’t recall. Shortly after this, he dismissed a phobia that I had previously revealed, through his actions toward me. He immediately “apologized” playfully.

I can only imagine that this was a tit-for-tat situation, and I’m wondering if he’ll do something again the next time I offend him. I did express how upset I was and he apologized. I find myself postponing the next date until I’m feeling well enough and not mentally foggy so that I won’t say something potentially hurtful that could lead to more passive-aggressive retaliation. I also feel like I shouldn’t share more vulnerabilities with him.

Besides him coming on strong, this is the only red flag. Wondering if I should just break up with him now or if I’m being too sensitive and should give him another chance?

– Feeling Disrespected

You could go on another date to see how it feels, but if you’re dreading the next visit, maybe that’s the answer.

This is causing you stress, which is something you don’t need.

This is why we generally don’t say “I love you” on Date 3, right? Because we don’t know people yet.

He said it without truly understanding how you communicate. Now you’re doubting your own feelings because you’ve learned he can be passive-aggressive and dismissive.

I wish I knew more about the good moments, and how he’s processed your feedback. The fact that he gave you a “playful apology” about the phobia incident tells me plenty.

For the record, if someone put me near a snake or a rat (let’s call that a phobia), I would require a real apology.

I just got upset even typing that sentence.

I could be guessing wrong, but it sounds like this experience has made you question whether you can count on yourself when you’re mentally foggy. You could talk to friends about that– anyone who knows you well. A loved one might give you insight – and assurance.

I do think it’s nice to give people the chance to work on their behavior, especially after miscommunications. But only if they’re listening. Perhaps one more conversation will lead to a positive discovery – or a more confident goodbye.

– Meredith

Readers? Worth another conversation? How do you know when communication styles are incompatible?

Is there something on your mind about a relationship in your life? Or a relationship you wish you had in your life? Send your own question. Help others wondering the same thing. Use the form – or email [email protected].

Dating Health 🖤

Featured Comment

Miscommunications happen, but after talking them out in a good relationship I usually feel much better and often feel closer to the person. You feel like you don’t want to see him again anytime soon. If you aren’t excited to see someone you’ve only been dating a couple of months, that’s reason enough to end it.

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