He Visits My Campus … To Hang Out With Other People

Monday | September 14, 2015

Love Letters Dating

He Visits My Campus … To Hang Out With Other People

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about eight months now after meeting through a mutual friend. My boyfriend has known this person his whole life, while I have been friends with her for about two years. This girl and I go to the same college, but my boyfriend goes to a different school.

He recently started hanging out with her a lot more, in a group with some other friends of theirs at my school. I am more on the outside of the circle. Whenever they all hang out, I hardly get invited, and if I do, it’s because I invite myself. Sometimes when he comes to my college to visit them and go to a party, he doesn’t invite me. It bothers me because it is my school that he is coming to, and I am friends with these people too, just not as close. I understand that he wants to hang out with them alone sometimes, but it would still be nice to be invited more often. I tell him this, and he says he just doesn’t think about it.

To make matters worse, the girl we met through is also a problem. I don’t think she likes him, but she is always making passive-aggressive comments about our relationship, or even just me. I like her, but I get frustrated and annoyed with her comments, and sometimes it causes problems.

What can I do to make things better?

– Campus Visits

You omitted some important information here. You didn’t tell us how often your boyfriend visits your campus just to see you. You didn’t tell us what you like about him or how you guys relate to each other when your mutual friend isn’t around.

All you chose to tell us is that he goes to parties without you sometimes. Is that because you wanted to keep your letter short? Or because you don’t have many positive things to say?

Think about the good stuff and how often you feel prioritized by your boyfriend. It’s great that he has his own life, but if you always feel like a third or fifth wheel, the relationship isn’t working.

Also, spend less time worrying about getting invited to things, and more time on what you share with your boyfriend. Something tells me that if you guys are strong when you’re alone, the parties and passive-aggressive comments won’t seem so important.

Readers? What should she focus on here? Is it rude for her boyfriend to visit her campus without seeing her? Is the mutual friend the problem?

– Meredith

Dating Friends