I have been dating a guy for more than a year. I thought things were great. He and I are both in our late-40s, divorced for many years with teenage children (he’s an empty nester, and I am a couple years behind him in that respect).

Over the last year we talked about the future, and I thought we were on the same page about seeing ourselves together long-term – although it was apparent he’s not really excited to get remarried, and I would like to, eventually. I’m just a romantic.

He’s afraid of remarriage, and I get it. It’s a risk. I am financially better off than him, so I think marriage would be a bigger financial risk for me anyway, if things don’t work out. But I digress.

After we were dating for a year, I asked how he would know whether I was someone he could commit to long-term. In his answer he shared that he “thinks about being with other people.” He was not forthcoming with the details, but apparently this is not just fantasies about sex, but fantasies about being in relationships with other people; some are strangers, some are people he knows. He didn’t really share more than that.

He has always been incredibly attentive, thoughtful, caring, and adoring. He tells me he loves me all the time. He does thoughtful things all the time. Our sex life is fantastic. His actions are 100 percent the actions of someone committed and devoted. I was completely blindsided by what he said.

I got really upset and said I couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t excited to be with me. For me, being crazy about each other was the foundation of everything, and if he’s interested in other people, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Well, he ended up apologizing and saying he misspoke, he has no interest in dating other people. Fast forward to a second conversation a couple months later where we were again trying to get clarity about the future, and he says the same thing … he “thinks about being with other people.” I got really angry again.

Is this relationship dead in the water? I can’t wrap my head around the fact that he seemed so adoring, and apparently he’s full of thoughts about other people (?). I really believe he’s been faithful.

I guess I want to believe he really is crazy about me, but then why would he keep saying he’s thinking about other women.

– Thoughts