He said I love you first
Q.
Hi Meredith,
I’ve been dating a guy for three months now. Even though I’m 26, I’ve never had a boyfriend before him, so everything is very new to me. He’s dated girls before and had a serious long-term relationship.
In every step of our relationship, he’s been ready to take it to the next level first – he wanted to take me on a date when I was just OK with hanging out, he wanted to start dating after knowing each other for two weeks, while I needed a month to determine if I was ready to be exclusive.
After two months of seeing each other and only one of officially dating, he told me he loved me. I was so happy – but also so not ready to say it back. Before him, I’d never had a guy commit to me. I’ve never had the chance to fall in love with someone! He’s not pressuring me to say anything, but I’m starting to feel guilty that he’s always saying “I love you” and I’m not. I really like him and I’m enjoying our time together, but at what point do I need to either be ready to say it back or end things?
— Loved
A.
“He’s not pressuring me to say anything.”
Good. It sounds like he’s fine with your pace. That’s what matters.
Please know that “I love you” can mean a zillion things. If he’s saying it after two months, it might mean that he’s excited about you. That he sees potential for a future. That he’s smitten and thinks about you a lot.
Maybe it’s easier for him to say those three words because they used to be part of his routine with exes.
He doesn’t know you well enough to say “I love you” and mean that he’s spiritually connected to your soul in some way. He doesn’t even know what it’s like to be sick of you. That’s when big feelings of love come into play, in my opinion.
There are other phrases you could respond with, if they’re true. Some ideas: “I’m falling for you.” “I keep wanting more of this.” “I’m smitten.” “I’m so happy I met you.”
If you feel like there is some pressure here – that he’s moving at a pace that stresses you out – you can tell him. Then you can decide whether he understands and can slow down to meet you wherever you are.
Just don’t promise anything you can’t deliver. Stay honest.
– Meredith
Readers? Time to break up because of pacing? Is it possible the LW will catch up with feelings?
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