I’ve been divorced going on 16 years now. Last year, I met this guy through an online dating site, and I agreed to give him my cell number. After about a month of chatting via email and text, I agreed to meet him for a date. I thought I might as well try getting back into the dating scene (my twenty-something daughter kept encouraging me to), so I went on the date and it actually went well. He asked if he could see me again and I agreed to it because I felt a nice connection with him.

Fifteen months later, he tells me he feels like he needs to take a step back to get his head straightened out and figure out what he wants in life. I was the first person he dated after his divorce. During the time we dated, I never met either of his two grown children. He told me in the beginning that when his kids found out he was dating, they weren’t receptive to meeting me. I might add that he had met my daughter (I only have one child) and the rest of my family.

Throughout our relationship, he treated me fabulously and we had never had an argument or disagreement, but over the past few months I was feeling a distance coming from him. He used to initiate getting together more often.

I asked to talk about it, and he agreed reluctantly. He said he needed to step back because he wasn’t sure what he wanted in life right now, and mumbled something about me being the only person he has dated since his divorce. I asked him if he wanted to date someone else or if there was someone already, he said no, and that he just needed to clear his head. He said he knew he was probably making the biggest mistake of his life because we have such a great connection. He told me he didn’t know how long he would need, and for me to not sit around waiting for him, and to pursue life.

At first we agreed to stay in contact with each other, and the first week I tried that. He texted saying that he missed not having a glass of wine with me in the evening. I told him in reply to that statement that given the current situation, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the text. He apologized and said he wasn’t sure if he should have sent that to me. We exchanged niceties one evening by saying good night, and about an hour later, I sent a text saying I didn’t know how to go on without him, to which he replied that he wished he knew what to say. That was a week ago and I have not contacted him at all and he hasn’t tried to contact me either.

I probably already know the answer to this … but I guess I need to read others’ opinions about it, because I have never dated anyone else like this since my husband, so I have never experienced a “break” before. Does it sound like we are done or is he just confused and scared and just needs the space to clear his head? I am 50 years old, so I am not getting any younger! It’s been a tough two weeks, but my heart is healing slowly. Still, I don’t want to give up on what he and I had – and could have more of. Please help.

–  BackintheSaddlebutfellout