Dear Meredith,

I am a 60ish woman, divorced with grown children, who, after several years of not dating, had a deep and serious relationship with a man somewhat younger (seven years). After I met him, we had a date a week later. A week after that he came over for dinner. A few days later, we got physical and fell in love.

A little over a year later, big red flags started flapping in the wind. Despite giving me a ring, he didn’t want us to find a place together; several nights a week allegedly spent at his mother’s; lack of money; increased time on the phone texting. The latter was particularly egregious. First thing in the morning, barely out of bed, there he is, bent over the phone. One morning, I decided to confirm my suspicions after the phone buzzed when he was in the shower. At least three women’s names and explicit texts popped up.

I threw him out immediately. A few weeks later, he emailed me. No apology, no mention of the affairs, just a few lines about how unhappy he was, how he missed me. Long story short, I got back together with him. Only once or twice a week, but, since I realized we weren’t going to be a true couple again, I was alright with it. I felt he didn’t have the hold over my heart anymore and I could enjoy the limited time.

I was doing OK until one of the women got my number. Took me a while to figure out how to block her incessant calls. Another while to find a good app to block her texts. Unfortunately, I gave in to curiosity and listened to a voicemail that I should’ve deleted. It was devastating. Now I was stuck with knowing who this person was, when previously I only had the vaguest idea.

Kicked the bastard to the curb again a couple months ago. For a while, my fury allowed me to power through the days. Now I’m left only with the worst hurt I’ve experienced in my life. Going through a divorce after a 20-year marriage was a walk in the park compared to this. It’s the soul-killing betrayal. The full realization that he was planning a new life with this woman (not that he’ll actually follow through – he’s too invested in cheating to give up his autonomy).

I know I’ll get through this eventually. I would, however, like to hear from others who’ve experienced betrayal and their strategies for coping.

– No fool like an old fool