He lied about blocking his ex

Monday | February 26, 2024

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He lied about blocking his ex

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I’m a 64-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 54. Although we’ve agreed to an exclusively committed relationship, he continues to allow his “ex” to communicate with him.

He has previously blocked her calls and texts, but will then unblock her. It seems that he only blocks her to appease me.

He says there’s “nothing” going on, but that a friendship remains. As a woman, I understand how devious women can be, and I feel that by allowing this behavior to continue, they may rekindle those “dead embers” into a “burning flame.”

Should I trust him? What do you think?

– Embers

I don’t believe that women, in particular, are devious. If anyone’s been lying here, it’s your boyfriend.

Does that mean he’s cheating on you, or attempting to turn those embers into flames? Not necessarily. I do believe that exes can be great friends, under the right circumstances.

It sounds like you’re missing some important information about what they are to each other, so why not ask more questions? How often do they talk? What can he say about their history? What does she bring to his life?

If she’s a close friend, perhaps it’s worth meeting her. Maybe if she’s less of a mystery, their connection won’t be such a big deal.

I don’t like that he lied, and he should have been clear that he wanted to keep her as a friend. But maybe he hasn’t known how to talk to you about this.

Find out more and really listen. Let him know you’re open to hearing anything and everything – because you want to understand. Ask for transparency and see what you get.

Then you can go with your gut.

– Meredith

Readers? Who’s devious here? Is it possible the boyfriend just doesn’t know how to talk to the LW about the friendship? Is the lie about blocking the ex a deal-breaker?

Cheating Dating Ex issues Friendship After Breakups

Featured Comment

“Talking to an ex does not necessarily violate an agreement of exclusivity in the same way that talking to any woman at all wouldn’t necessarily violate it. Is he not allowed to talk to any woman who might be attracted to him and vice versa? Mostly what this comes down to is trust and insecurity. You don’t trust him, and you don’t know how to feel secure in a relationship without controlling your partner’s interactions with other women. Maybe it’s just a condition in your relationships that your partner never speaks with an ex, but it’s a rather limiting and punitive condition. Ultimately, it’s your choice if you want this to be something that narrows down your options for partners. The message is loud and clear that he doesn’t intent to stop speaking with her, so now you can decide if you can tolerate/accept that. If not, move on, and anticipate a rather lonely and frustrating dating experience going forward. Especially at your age, it’s a lot likelier that potential partners will have some type of relationship with multiple exes.”

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