He Hit Pause

Friday | September 8, 2017

Love Letters Dating

He Hit Pause

So sorry we had issues with comments yesterday. I hope you’ll give yesterday’s letter some attention after you deal with today’s.

I met a guy and online and we chatted by phone for over a month before setting up a date. Then we hit it off in person.

He is a wonderful man and has been through a lot (so have I). Long story short, about five months into dating, he started to make comments about me “not needing to go home if I didn’t want to.” At that point, we’d met each other’s families, and my parents absolutely loved him (my children do, as well). We are both in our late 40s so we know we do not have time for games.

Lately, though, I have had this gut feeling that I should back away and give him some space. But every time I mention spending some time at my own home, he says, “I can’t stop you if that’s what you feel you have to do, but I do not want you to go.” But I’ve had this feeling that I shouldn’t be there.

We were having a very serious conversation the other night and he admitted that he wants to put things on “pause” – not that he doesn’t want to be with me, but that he needs to evaluate the situation because he does not want to get hurt again. Well, neither do I, and after that statement, I feel it’s time to pack it up. We are not intimate haven’t been for some time now. He constantly states that it is not me – he just needs to evaluate.

Is this relationship over?

– Paused

Yeah, it sounds like it might be over. Mostly, it sounds like you’re in different places when it comes to pace. He was talking about cohabitation while you were still in getting used to the relationship. For you, it was too new to feel 100 percent confident about anything.

He wants to hit pause, which is a good thing. You can use the time to see how life feels without him. Really, it sounds like when you talked about giving him space, it was because you needed it.

If you take anything from this experience as you evaluate what’s next, let it be that you don’t have to be on an expedited dating schedule. You made a grand statement about being in your late 40s and not having “time for games,” but that doesn’t mean you can skip ahead or ignore questions. Your future 50-plus self might advice you to put off all big life decisions (meeting kids, moving in, marriage, etc.) until you’re really sure you want to make them.

– Meredith

Readers? Is it over?

Family 🖤 Dating