Hi Meredith,

I have been in an exclusive relationship with a great guy for six months. We are both working professionals in our early 30s. We have met each other’s friends and family, have gone on weekend trips together, and spend a few nights a week at each others place. My question to you is: How can I best manage my feelings about his flirting with other women on social media?

My boyfriend has several female friends on social media who are flirty with him. Sometimes it carries over in to text, which is even more annoying because he will get messages while we are having dinner, etc. I have expressed to him that it makes me uncomfortable and that it would make me feel better if he set some boundaries and did not encourage the flirting by participating in it. It has only made him very angry, and he has accused me of not wanting him to have any female friends whatsoever (100 percent not true).

I will say that he has eased up on checking his phone a little bit while we eat, but in return I always get the sarcastic remarks that I am controlling him. I think he feels that because there is no physical, in-person interaction, this gives him a free pass to do or say what he wants simply because it is online. He hasn’t stopped and says that he has a long history of friendship with these women, and that I have only been around for six months, and that when I dump him (his words, not mine – not have I ever indicated that), they will be around and I will be out of the picture. I have never found myself to be a jealous or controlling person. I don’t snoop through his phone or computer. But I will admit that this is causing me to have jealous feelings and to feel insecure about the future of the relationship.

We had a big fight when we were out of town one weekend because he messaged one of the women (whom he used to date) and her mom, to see if we could meet up with them for a short visit. I was upset and hurt because we were there for him to meet my family and only had a short time to do so, and he had not even asked me what my thoughts were on meeting her. And besides, spending my time with one of his ex-flames and her mother isn’t really how I pictured a long weekend getaway together. Am I a sucker for putting up with this? Are my feelings irrational?

– What is a girl to do?