She Hasn’t Seen Him In Two Months

Wednesday | February 7, 2018

Love Letters Dating

She Hasn’t Seen Him In Two Months

I am a 60-year-old woman who’s been married twice. A widow the first time, and the second marriage ended because my husband was verbally abusive.

I was not looking for a relationship, but I met a very nice gentleman 13 years ago. We started dating and are still quite compatible. We even agree politically – even though he is a registered Democrat and I am a Republican.

The problem is that there are long periods of time when I do not hear from him or see him. It has been over two months since we have been together. I have had about 10 emails from him in that time period. He doesn’t like crowds and rarely goes anywhere except the occasional grocery run. We have lovely times when we are together. We have had vacations together. Maybe I am naïve but I don’t think he has another girlfriend. He tells me that he has enough trouble handling one girl at a time. He tells me how attractive and smart I am and gets upset with me when I occasionally doubt myself.

Do I cut my losses (knowing that at my age I will probably not find anyone else, let alone someone who is as special as he is) or continue on as we are and just settle for what we have?

– Confused and lonely in Seattle

It doesn’t sound like you’re very compatible. You use that word – and sure, your agendas line up every now and then – but you have very different philosophies about how to spend your time. You’d like to see him on a regular basis, whereas he can spend two months not seeing you … and sending 10 emails. That doesn’t work.

Tell him how often you’d like to see him. Be honest, and give him the chance to discuss his own needs and possible compromises. If he can’t commit to more time (and I assume he can’t – because it’s been years), you should move on. There are no guarantees you’ll meet someone else … but you might. In 13 years, there have been many dating industry developments. You can get right on an app and see who wants someone exactly like you.

At the end of your letter, you use the word “settle,” which says everything about where you are with the relationship. Even though this man has many qualities, he makes you feel lonely. Sometimes it’s a lot less lonely to choose to be alone.

– Meredith

Readers? Two months?

Dating