Has He Moved On?
Today we have the chance to help an 18-year-old. Children are our future. Please stop her from becoming someone who writes to Love Letters 16 times. In other news, check out @LoveLettersBlog because they’re still giving away Magic Mike XXL tickets, I think. Also, we chat today at 1.
Q.I was talking to this guy — he is 24 and I am 18. We met this past semester.
Everything was great, but we never got to hang out because I was always busy or making excuses – but that is not the issue. One night I sent him a text that was kind of snotty, but I apologized as soon as I realized I was being rude. He texted me the next morning saying, “I just don’t think I can get into anything serious right now, and I really need to finish this semester strong.”
I texted him back that I was confused but he didn’t respond. I stopped him a week later after class and asked him what was going on, and he said he didn’t appreciate the way I had been talking to him. Then I texted him a few weekends after that, vulnerable with my feelings. I poured my heart out through text and again he didn’t respond. The last text he sent me said, “We’re both leaving and we both have to focus on school.” He said, “You are beautiful, smart, and truly great, but I can’t get into anything serious.” I texted him today, just a little differently, and he just hasn’t responded. I have no idea if I hurt him or if he has just moved on.
– Now what?
A.He didn’t like the way you spoke to him. He needs to focus on school. He doesn’t want anything serious right now.
He told you all of this, so you know that he’s moved on.
Stop reaching out to him and focus on the lessons you can learn from this short relationship.
1. Don’t send snotty texts. Despite the fact that texting is a luxury of immediacy, it’s supposed to involve some thought. You should read all of your texts twice before you hit send. Ask yourself whether the message is necessary and whether you’re really saying something that the other person needs to know.
2. Try to be self-aware about your intentions. You say in your first sentence that you were making excuses not to see this guy. Yet after he dumped you, you decided that you wanted him and that it was time to get vulnerable. Is this about wanting what you can’t have or were you attempting to play stupid games? Clearly those games don’t work. When you like someone, be clear about it.
3. Keep these experiences in perspective, because this guy is right – you’re in school and have other priorities. It’s certainly worth dating and having new experiences, but don’t pretend a relationship is more epic than it is.
Readers? Lessons?
– Meredith
Be civil. Be kind.
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