I feel bad because we get letters from people over 60 who tell me they’re talking to someone online, and immediately I say, “Don’t give them any money.”

I don’t want people to think that everyone on an app will be out to scam them, nor do I want to imply that a 30-year-old can’t be scammed.

I do believe that anyone can be scammed, and – more optimistically – that most people are not looking to scam anyone.

I say this because … even though apps can be scary, and an easy platform on which to tell lies, they are also where singles gather to find one another. Apps make the world a little bigger, so there isn’t as much pressure to scan every grocery store for the person who seems to want conversation.

My advice is to get back on apps, but make some rules. If a person is interested, there should be a FaceTime or Zoom pretty quickly. After that, there should be any outing – perhaps something with friends. Basically, you’ll avoid long conversations that seem to go nowhere. Please find a trusted friend or family member to be a sounding board, and check in with them about how things are going. We all need partners for this kind of activity. 

In real life, maybe join pickleball or a game night. Work on making friends, and tell new friends you’d love to date.

I don’t know that you have to try to find love in random places … like the post office or the library. The people who tell you to meet someone “in real life” – they mean well, but they might not know that dating apps can be real life, too.

– Meredith