Dear Meredith,

I recently moved in with my boyfriend in Boston after dating long-distance (with almost weekly visits) for about a year. We’re both in our 30s. Our relationship feels really intense and loving, but I am definitely scared of commitment due to my happiness with being single, and a previous awful relationship with a very deceitful cheater. I made a big leap of faith in moving to Boston from another state to give this relationship a real chance. My concern is that my boyfriend has kept mementos from past relationships around his apartment. In helping him straighten up his bachelor pad and make room for me in his place, I’ve come across a card from his most recent ex, and a book she gave him for Valentine’s Day that’s, like, an illustrated manual of sexual positions.

I didn’t tell him that I saw these things because I was embarrassed to admit that I opened the book and saw the inscription and also took the card out of its envelope to see who it was from. I also don’t want him to throw them away or hide them just because they bother me. I really want to know if he’s still hung up on her. The placement of these items indicate that they aren’t long-forgotten. I know that my boyfriend is generally sentimental and is loath to throw anything away. I thought it was really sweet when he would keep our ticket stubs and the cards I’ve given him, but now feel less special seeing that he still wants to keep her stuff, too. I know you’re going to advise me to confess to being nosy and to talk to him about it. But I feel like that won’t help because even if he throws the stuff away, it will just be to keep me from nagging, and I will still feel jealous and insecure.

– Second-guessing my leap of faith