Fell in love at the library
Send your own question about friendships, dates, no dates, love, divorce, breakups, and families through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].
Q.
I work at one of the local libraries and I fell in love with a patron. I think he loves me too.
But when all of this started, I was somewhat getting my life sorted with my ex.
This patron is the sweetest man. Tries to make laugh with all the bad jokes; it’s been two years and he never stopped. And I pray he never stops.
I would love to be able to tell him how I feel, but I also don’t want him to distance himself. And apparently he believes that I am distancing myself, and he even called me out for it, so I had to tell him I am swamped with coursework. He smiled, so did I, and he walked away. He is doing a PhD and I am doing my master’s. He even gave me his standard operating procedure – without me even asking for it – for my PhD apps. To be honest, I won’t move an inch from Cambridge if he realizes how much I have fallen for him.
It would be nice, if sometime in the future, we’re sitting by a fireplace. Mr. TA, if you read this, please know that I love you and yes, I do want to marry. YOU. Remember the time you asked if I ever wanted kids? And yes, I remember and know it was you who messaged me on Grindr!
– In Love
A.
Ah, the twists in this letter.
You’ve spoken to this man about your future relationship goals (kids, etc.)? He messaged you on Grindr?
Why haven’t you asked him out?
You’re distancing yourself – because you fear he will distance himself – but he seems to want to spend time with you.
Ugh.
My advice: tell him you’d love to grab a coffee one day. “No pressure, only if you feel like talking about school, etc.” I imagine his response will be a big old “yes.” If you want to marry this man, there has to be a first date.
I do know this part is fun – the “will we or won’t we,” and the moments you sit there and hope he’ll walk into the library. If that’s the best part for you, I guess you can do more of … this. But at some point, it might be too late for next steps. He might get a boyfriend. Then you’ll wonder why you waited.
One last thought: I know you’re in love, librarian-style – with great Jane Austen passion, etc – but do remember that whatever happens next restarts the experience. You might not want to go into a coffee talking about marriage and fireplaces. You don’t know what he’s like outside of the building. Try to pace yourself.
– Meredith
Readers? Thoughts on crushes with patrons and how to go from one step to another without over romanticizing the whole thing? Or … is that OK because it’s part of the fun?
Send your own question about friendships, dates, no dates, love, divorce, breakups, and families through the anonymous form – or email [email protected].
Be civil. Be kind.
Read our full community guidelines.To comment, please create a screen name in your profile
To comment, please verify your email address