Feeling Blindsided
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Q.I’m a Love Letters reader from afar. After years of trying (I’m 38), I finally found my match on Match.com and it was sparks right off the bat. I texted her first thing in the morning and she was my last text at night. It started with great passion. She is 36 and divorced with two young children, who are her No. 1 priority. We got really close, to the point that I was staying at her place when she had the kids, and she was staying at my place when she didn’t.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. She starts a conversation after a great night out and says she’s “worried about us.” I felt blindsided. I didn’t know what to say. We sat and talked, and it came down to the fact that I’m too nice of a person. She felt that I loved her but I wasn’t in love with her. Many other things were said too, but I’m wanting to know, what does all of this really mean? I didn’t always tell her that she was a beautiful person with a kind heart, but I always felt that my actions spoke louder than my words. Any advice I can get would be great. Do I let her walk away? Do I try to get her back? I’m a bit lost and this was a total shock.
– Too Nice
A.You claim that your actions speak louder than your words. Well, now is the time to use your words. If you’re concerned that she doesn’t understand how you feel about her, tell her – maybe in writing, so she can read the message more than once and think about what it means.
Explain why you’re with her and what you want from the relationship, and your job will be done. It’ll be up to her to decide whether to give it another go.
If your take on the situation doesn’t change her mind, you’ll have to move on, but you’ll be able to do so knowing that you told her everything. At that point, you can chalk it up to incompatibility or bad timing. Sometimes when you fall for someone right off the bat, it fizzles.
Readers? Should he reach out again? Were his actions enough?
– Meredith
Be civil. Be kind.
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