‘I Fear I May Never Come Around To Wanting Kids’

Tuesday | January 29, 2019

Love Letters Dating

‘I Fear I May Never Come Around To Wanting Kids’

Meredith,

I am 26 and have been dating a great guy for a year and a half, and we recently moved in together. There have been no issues with our relationship or living together, but the big step of moving in together has prompted a lot of people to start asking about engagement.

While we both think it’s too early, we’ve now had a lot of conversations about our future together. I’ve personally never even wanted to get married, let alone have kids. While the marriage part is something I’ve been reconsidering, I just don’t know if kids are something I really see for my future. He, on the other hand, does really want kids, which begs the question: do we continue on or cut our losses now, before we get even farther along? I am extremely happy in the relationship and could see a long-term future together, but I fear I may never come around to wanting kids, or will have one and end up unhappy and resenting him.

He’s a few years older and definitely wants to settle down in the next year or two, but I’m not sure if I’ll be there. Do I continue on and risk wasting his time or making a decision I may regret, or do I cut things off sooner rather than later?

– Happily ever after?

Couples can find middle ground on issues like where to live and how to spend money. But when it comes to having kids, it’s a lot more difficult. If a person wants them and their partner doesn’t, that’s that.

In your case, your guy has made his intentions clear; he wants marriage and children, and probably soon. If you’re not open to that path, or won’t know for sure for years, you have to let him move on. Because he knows what he wants and he’s ready.

I’m know you’re wondering, “But will I change my mind about kids? Will this work itself out later?” And I guess that’s possible. But … it sounds like you’re experiencing more than ambivalence. You don’t want to have to think about changing this part of your plan.

It’s devastating – because you’re so happy – but your relationship is about more than this moment. If you know you where you stand on this, make it clear to your partner. Work together to figure out what happens next.

– Meredith

Readers? Should they give this more time?

Dating Living Together

Featured Comment

At some point in the not too distant future, you are both going to have to make a decision based on what you feel at that moment. I don’t think you need to make that decision right now, but when you feel you are ready to seriously consider marriage, this will need to be the top consideration. If neither of you have changed your feelings when that time comes, you’re probably going to have to go your separate ways.

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