Hi Meredith,

I need some perspective. I have a difficult time dating people with avoidant tendencies. When I get the feeling I’m being avoided, I can’t help but imagine a dozen different scenarios of possible reasons why. I am mostly concerned about being deceived, misled, and taken advantage of.

I have been seeing someone for the past couple of months, and although he and I live super close, he would rather have a two-hour video calls with me than meet me in person. Even before the virus, we would go for days without seeing each other, and instead would use FaceTime. He says this is because he’s still in the process of figuring out what he wants for himself.

He did express a desire to be in my life and said he could see us being together as a couple, but every single time I’ve asked what that means, he insists that he’s not ready for this kind of conversation. He also expressed doubts about whether I am attracted to him; I never hesitate to reassure him I like him just the way he is. There’s clearly a lot going on in his mind, but he will not open up when I ask questions.

While I understand that he also deals with anxiety about our situation, it’s really hard for me to stop thinking about possible reasons why he’s holding me at the arm’s length. And it’s not that I am unable to be patient, it’s just that I would like to know what specifically requires my patience. So, I guess given the high level of uncertainty in this situation, I was wondering if you might have some insight and tips.

– Avoided