Endless texting, no dates or plans

Thursday | October 2, 2025

Love Letters Dating

Endless texting, no dates or plans

One more day to enter to win a getaway.

Dear Meredith,

What is with the endless texting without making plans? OK, I am older and come from another time in dating, but it seems like a few of the men I have meet lately just want to text and never actually make any plans.

I recently met a man through a golf Facebook group. I was very hesitant at first, but since he played golf, I was able to make some connections and find a couple of mutual acquaintances, so I moved forward. There were a bunch of texts, then we had a call. That did lead to a dinner date that went pretty well, but since then it’s just been a flurry of texts, a week of silence, then another flurry of texts.

I suggested we play golf and he agrees, but never makes the plans. When he didn’t make any plans, I slowed my replies down and tried not replying for a day. Still nothing, so I stopped responding and the texts stopped for over three weeks. Now he is texting again. I have not answered. I have met a few other guys with a similar style – texts, pictures, and vague mentions of getting together (but in those cases, they are a distance away, so I understand a little more whey don’t actually make the plans). I am still out and looking, but do you think they get some sort of charge, excitement from the text conversation and it’s enough? I am thinking of telling the next guy that I just don’t text! I am moving on, but do you think I should make more of an effort to get them to make a date or am I right to move on!

– Texting

“… do you think they get some sort of charge, excitement from the text conversation and it’s enough?”

Yes.

I don’t know for sure, but I think that’s a big part of it. Texts can be exciting. They can make you feel like you’re still in the game. Showing up? That requires manners, cleverness, being “on” for an hour or so, and … the possibility of disappointment. If you avoid meeting up in person, there’s a false sense that anything is still possible.

It sounds like you should continue to ignore the first guy, because his cadence is annoying (and disrespectful), and he didn’t bother to make the plan for Date 2.

For everyone else, feel free to throw out times and specifics. As in, “I’m free for coffee on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday at 4. Which of those work for you?” The person will pick one or offer a specific alternative. If they don’t, move on.

Another thought: if people are busy when you first start talking to them, you can ask for a FaceTime, for a pre-date date. Connections are built that way, too. If you can start there, you’ll know if they’re handsome, funny, and willing to meet face-to-face, even through a screen.

If people don’t make an in-person plan by the second or third week of texting, let them go.

There might be a lot of that. It is an annoying trend at all ages. But at some point, someone is going to show up. Good for them.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this normal? The texting to go nowhere? At any age?

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