I Drank Too Much Around His Friends

Monday | May 15, 2017

Love Letters Dating

I Drank Too Much Around His Friends

Hey Meredith,

I’ve been seeing a guy 1-2x/week for the past six weeks. After going on a bunch of dates over the past year and not being into anyone, I can tell that I’m really into him. My last two relationships lasted three and four years, and I’ve recently entered my 30s, so I feel like I have a good sense of what I like and who’s a good match. Last week we decided to meet for drinks and get our friends together for the first time. As it happens, I was a little nervous and got a lot drunk. I wasn’t myself and I was sloppy, and when we met up to talk about it the next day my guy was really ticked. He said he “doesn’t date a lot and doesn’t take guys to meet his friends,” so it was a bigger deal that he did, and my drunken state left an oversize bad impression.

I owned my actions, acknowledged his feelings, and apologized sincerely. He’s going away for a week and said he wanted some time to think about things and that he’d “hit me up when he got back.” I’m at a loss now, not so much for what to do (my thinking is to do nothing) but more for how to deal with my idiotic behavior and to show him that I am a good guy and that this was a slip up. I’ve been dating on/off for a year and haven’t met anyone I truly enjoyed until this guy, and feel like I royally screwed up something with potential. Also, I just feel plain awful. Aside from reevaluating my drinking and waiting for his (presumed negative) decision when he gets back, what can I do?

– Down and Out

This is one of those letters that calls for a time machine. Without one, though, there’s nothing you can do.

Waiting is the worst, but please remind yourself that you did what you could to make this better. You apologized – sincerely – and explained your behavior. You made your case without getting defensive. All you can do is hope that your other experiences with this guy were positive enough to make up for the bad one. If not, perhaps it would have ended anyway. (I do think that when people are happy in a relationship, they look for reasons to give second chances.)

No matter what happens, I’m glad you’re doing some self-evaluation. You didn’t tell us whether you’ve done this before, but it’s a good thing you’re thinking about the drinking.

I wish I had something more comforting to say, but for now, feeling stressed out and awful is a necessary part of the process.

– Meredith

Readers? What can this letter writer do to make it better? Is it OK to reach out? To say more?

Dating Friends Alcohol

Featured Comment

You could write to him and tell him again how sorry you are; that you are thinking seriously about your drinking, and that you hope you can work through this with him. That’s about it. After that, it’s in his court. If he breaks it off with you, it will be disappointing, but there isn’t much you can do but learn from it. And definitely spend time thinking about the drinking…

Wendy Share Thoughts