He Doesn’t Want To Travel

Wednesday | March 1, 2017

Love Letters Dating

He Doesn’t Want To Travel

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, 2.5 of which we’ve been living together. I’m in my late 40s, and he’s in his early 50s. Prior to meeting him, I traveled at least three times a year. My ex-husband and I took our kids everywhere. We went on cruises, to islands, and to different countries. We’ve been all over the country, trying to experience as much as we can.

My husband and I split years ago on good terms, and I met my boyfriend soon after. I love my boyfriend so much but he has a really big issue with traveling ANYWHERE I have already visited, either with my ex or friends or family. He thinks I’ll spend the whole time thinking of my ex and all the things we’ve done there. This is the furthest thing from the truth, and it’s limiting because I’ve been to so many places.

My boyfriend has not done much traveling in life, but I would go anywhere he wanted. And I would make new memories for him to think about. I wouldn’t worry if he’s been. I want to show him so many great places that I know he would adore. I am not doing what I love to do because of him, but I don’t want to travel without him. Plus, if I went anywhere without him, he would break up with me because he’d think I’m out partying all night with younger men. (Something I’ve never done.)

This is NOT normal. Insecurities? Lack of confidence? Has anyone dealt with this?

– Need to Travel

The most troubling part of your letter is the line about you not being able to travel on your own. Your boyfriend’s need for control is making it impossible for you to be happy. Can you stay committed to a man who places limits on your life because he needs to be comfortable at all times?

You say you love your boyfriend very much, but you don’t tell us why. My assumption is that he’s great when you live together on his terms. But you’re no longer satisfied with that – and I don’t see a compromise.

This isn’t just about other men, by the way; I also suspect he’s jealous of you. You’ve seen the world and you embrace the unknown. You’re great at it. (Reading your letter made me want to travel with you, and I don’t even know you). Maybe your boyfriend knows (and resents) that he can’t keep up.

You could ask him to join you for couples counseling – because I do think it might help to talk about this in front of a professional – or you can walk away. I’m guessing, though, that even counseling will lead to a breakup. I don’t see you living with the status quo for much longer. You need to roam.

– Meredith

Readers? Any hope here?

Dating

Featured Comment

Do you want to be with a man that doesn’t believe you, trust you, or care about creating new memories in a way you value? Decide that and proceed as necessary.nn-NoMoreScreenNames

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