Hi Meredith,

Last fall I got out of a rather unhealthy relationship. I didn’t date after that until a met “Tyler” while I was on vacation earlier this year. Tyler is a professional in his mid-20s, a few years older than me. It wasn’t fireworks from day one. In fact, I spent most of the vacation avoiding him. I’m from Boston and he lives in another city and that was a huge red flag from the moment we met.

Although I tried really hard not to like him, communication didn’t stop after we left the beach town. We started off slow, emailing each other during work hours. This progressed to long phone calls, and me visiting him a few times over the summer. The elephant in the room, the distance, was rarely brought up until recently when he phoned me to break up the day he was supposed to be visiting. Tyler told me he couldn’t proceed with a long-distance relationship, something we both experienced when we were in college. He no longer speaks to his former girlfriend. I am on friendly terms with my long-distance ex.

We then spent days expressing how we both felt, me wanting to stay together and to eventually move to his city, while he adamantly said he just couldn’t balance work, school, and a girlfriend who was a flight away. I’m a rational person; his side of the argument is completely valid. We agreed to remain friends because nothing “bad” happened between us but decided that we should give each other space so we could move on.

Here is where my dilemma comes into play. We still talk for hours nearly every day. We have the same conversation at least twice a week, me still wanting to be with him, him missing me but not committing. I am somewhat of a hopeless romantic. Not everyone is going to meet a potential love on the same career path, in the same city, with all the same life goals. Do I try to form a friendship that may one day lead to more if the timing is right or do I cease all communication and bury every “what if” scenario that provides that small glimmer of hope.

– Out of state, out of mind?, Boston