Dear Meredith,

I am struggling with my long-distance relationship of two years. We have been long-distance since we met. He is in the military and stationed about four hours from me. We’ve been managing this distance since day one of our relationship, but now that I am about to graduate and he is close to getting his orders, I had hoped that we would take this opportunity to move closer to each other. It just made sense, especially since we’d both be at a transition point in our lives.

However, I have decided to continue working toward my bachelor’s degree, and I have no idea where I plan to transfer. Is my relationship something I should consider when choosing a school? Or do I just choose which school I like the most, regardless of distance?

My boyfriend has been married before and says he is in no position to consider marriage or anything super long-term, which makes sense to me. He also says that because things are still so uncertain for both of us, he doesn’t want me to make plans around him because it would be unfair to me. He wants us to be closer together, but he also wants me to be independent and he doesn’t want to be solely responsible for my happiness.

I can’t say that I disagree with him, I want those things for myself also. I guess my question is, in consideration of the uncertainty in both our lives, do we stay together and work through the distance until an opportunity to move together becomes more clear? Because he is in the military, there is simply no way of knowing where he will end up until they tell him.

So making plans can be incredibly difficult. I love him and our relationship is healthy, so I don’t want to break up, but I don’t want to make this worse by dragging it out.

– My Long-Distance Conundrum