Q.

Hi Meredith,

I need some help understanding my feelings about college boys.

I’m a 18-year-old-female who just started my freshman year of college, and everything is going well. Classes are good, and I’m learning the ins and outs of college life. 

Haven’t been to any parties, and I’m fine with that. Going to a school out of state, I’m seeing new people with different perspectives.

One thing I’m experiencing is my “I don’t know” phase. Which is new for me. If someone asks me something, especially about relationships, I’ll say, “I don’t know.”

The reason I say this is because I don’t know if I like boys out of connivence, or if I really do like them.

To give you some context, there are these two boys who live on the same floor I used to live on before I had a room change (roommate issues). And I thought I liked both of them at the same time. They were attractive, I think, but I do feel like I liked them out of convenience. I am distancing myself from them after I asked them if they wanted to go to Insomnia Cookies for Halloween to get a free cookie, to which both of them said “yes” and then stood me up. I waited for both of them for almost 90 minutes and even texted them, with no response. Lesson learned. I WILL NEVER wait that long again, for anyone.

Then, a few weeks later, I started eyeing this boy in one of my classes. I think he’s cute, but then again, I DON’T KNOW! We did talk a couple of times, but it was just about the work we were doing.

A few weeks prior, I did have a dream about having a boyfriend and he was posting me on social media and making me laugh. It was a delightful dream. However, I couldn’t make out his face. I started wondering if it was the same boy from my class.

I talked to the RAs in my dorm about him, and we had stalked his Instagram page (jokingly). However, lately, I have been thinking about him more excessively, so I don’t know if it’s because my mind is leaning toward liking him more or what. We had break coming up, so the day before classes ended for the break, I spoke to him and asked if he wanted to hang out, which he agreed to, but he had a class after hours, and he said that after his last class, he was going home for the break. He did say that we’ll figure it out another time.

After I spoke to him, I was all nervous, and I really wanted to give him my number, but I didn’t get the chance. I realized that after talking to him, it was a different feeling than the boys who stood me up. I was thinking about him for the rest of the day.

But it’s confusing. I don’t think that I’ve been this uncertain about my feelings before! I guess that’s one of the things about going to college with new experiences… (I should also add that I’ve never been in a relationship before, and have never been kissed, so I think that my predicament is coming from a lack of experience).

I don’t want to like any boy out of convenience because I feel like it’s wrong, and I wouldn’t want that to happen to me either.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? Or are these feelings normal? I think that I am starting like him, but, yet again, I DON’T KNOW!

Please help!

– I Don’t Know