“Do you really have to sift through a bunch of frogs online to find the right guy?”

First, let’s not call anybody frogs. I know you don’t meant to be rude by using that fairy tale word, but it actually helps everyone involved if you think of these suitors as real people with many layers, as opposed to Mr. Rights and Wrongs. They’re humans who seek connection. People online might match with you in some ways but not others. First piece of advice: reconsider the apps, and know that most people don’t show their magnet qualities immediately, especially during a pandemic walk or a FaceTime call. Have some patience.

Second, you ask who has time to sift through a bunch of people online. Dating should’t feel like a job you hate,  but … it’s interesting how many hours some people (myself included) are willing to spend on work, volunteering, making new friends, reading, cleaning, mastering the Catan app on a phone, binge watching shows, etc. But when it comes to dating, they’re like, “You want me to spend time … on this? Why isn’t it arriving on my doorstep, on demand?” I know it can be depressing, but just remember it’s like looking at a bunch of people on the T. Most people are just random strangers on their way to a place. But maybe a few of those people are cute. Maybe one is worth talking to. But it takes a lot of looking in a crowd. Yes, some friends might make this process look easy, but they’re working, too. Everything great takes effort.

Basically, I see your letter as a list of things you won’t or don’t want to do. It is important to have boundaries. But maybe it would help to make a new list of things you would do, questions you could ask people to get to know them better, experiences you’d like to try. IRL is coming, and you want to be open in the right ways. Think about how, instead of excuses, you can make the most of every possibility.

– Meredith

Readers? Motivation here?