He Didn’t Tell Me He Had A Son

Friday | May 13, 2016

Love Letters Dating

He Didn’t Tell Me He Had A Son

Hi there,

I am 36 and my partner is 37, and he says he wants to marry me. We moved in together six months ago and things are going well. But one thing pops into my mind from time to time. On our first date (well, it was more of a planned booty call to be honest), we had a brief conversation about children and I told him it was never my life’s ambition to have children, unlike some women. He told me he had a 2.5-year-old daughter, and according to him, I winced. We continued dating, seeing each other when we could. Then, months later in the fall, he told me he had fallen in love with me, and that there was something he needed to tell me. He confessed that he also had a 1-year-old boy! I explained that he should have been honest with me, and that it would not have made any difference, and that hearing this now made me question his integrity. He said he didn’t want to scare me off and that he picked up on the fact that I really did not want children. It’s now a year and a half later and this still crosses my mind. I just wanted to get your thoughts.

– Still thinking about it

I would have broken up with him the minute I found out about the extra kid. But that’s just me.

You didn’t – maybe because you were so casual about each other when you met that your relationship didn’t feel significant until months later, when the confession was made.

If you’re going to count that fall as the real start of your relationship, please consider his behavior since then. Does he understand the importance of honesty and disclosure? Did he take your words to heart and share more details about his life as a father? Do you still feel like he has something to hide?

Consider those questions and focus on your life now. And no matter what, don’t get married until you’ve learned to let go of the lie. There’s no rush to make that kind of commitment, and working this out might take time.

– Meredith

Readers? How can she make peace with this? Should she?

Family 🖤 Dating

Featured Comment

I mean, even if this is something you can move past (and a year or so later you’re still simmering on this) u002du002d do you want to marry him and have his kids in your life, anyway? It doesn’t really sound like you do. This may just not be the right relationship for (either of) you.

? Ellleem Share Thoughts