I’ve been seeing a wonderful, honest girl for five months. We are opposites in many ways, but we share passion for the important things. We text a lot, see each other (or stay over) once/twice a week, laugh a lot, and are romantic with each other when we are together. It has felt like we were on the verge of making this a serious relationship.

A few nights ago, she said she she felt pressured about conversations we had earlier in the week about taking a trip. Then she told me that she used to deal with cutting (in the past), depression, fears from a painful past relationship, and current fears about our relationship. Then she tried to push me away. It was an emotional night, but I know enough about depression to know that I could only reassure her and let her know that I want to be by her side.

We didn’t discuss it for very long and things settled down, and we wound up sleeping in each other’s arms. A lot of what she said that night seemed to be about her opening up and telling me about some of her past struggles, but I can’t ignore that she initially started the conversation by pushing me away and being unsure about having a relationship with me.

I do have the sense that she does care quite a bit for me. I have one big fear of going into a commitment with her, now that I know more about her depression. I’m not afraid of her depression, but I’m scared of loving someone who’s too afraid of herself to ever love me in return.

I understand that there are no safety nets in life, but how do you know whether you should give up or jump into something that has felt like it has the potential to be a match in love? I’ve always been the one in my previous relationships to do the work, only to have been abandoned by someone who doesn’t feel they love me enough. I’m not interested in a repeat scenario.

– Guy At A Crossroads