Dating someone with a chronic medical condition

Thursday | September 12, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Dating someone with a chronic medical condition

Enter to win a pair of free tickets to Love Letters night (Sept. 26) @ “Romeo and Juliet” at the American Repertory Theater. Use this link.

Also, what’s been on your mind about your relationship life (or lack thereof)? I’d love to read your question. Send your own letter by using the anonymous form or email [email protected].

Hello Meredith,

Long-time reader, first-time writer.

I’m a straight woman, 30, and I met a guy about six months ago. He’s funny, charming, bright, and the sex is fantastic. He’s only a few years older than I am, and everything is just wonderful. I could see myself getting married to him, maybe in the next couple of years.

He told me from the start that he had a chronic medical condition. It’s something he’s had since he was a child, and he has dealt with it to the best of his ability. He hasn’t been perfect about it, but he is pretty diligent, and I can see he does his level-headed best to keep himself healthy.

Without going into too much detail, it’s a manageable disease, but there are possibly long-term risks. There’s also a risk of something happening more immediately, which could pose a danger to both him and me, depending on circumstances.

The problem: I have mentioned this aspect of my boyfriend to friends and family. While my friends are supportive, my parents have told me in no uncertain terms that I should dump him and find someone who isn’t medically challenged. My friends tell me to ignore my parents, and my siblings agree. But my parents are bringing this issue up every time I talk to them. My parents are concerned that I am putting all my hopes and dreams on someone who could shatter them in a heartbeat.

He has met my parents, and that meeting went well, but my parents are still convinced I would be better off with someone else. I haven’t told any of this to him, and I don’t know what to do. This is burning me up.

How do I figure this out? Thanks in advance for any help you can offer.

– Loving In Sickness And In Health

I’m with your friends and siblings. If you want to be with this man, be with this man.

It can be so difficult to find good company. You’ve met a great person, and it sounds like you very much want to explore what the two of you can do together.

I wish there were guarantees in life – that you could find some healthy significant other, remain healthy yourself, and be promised 101 years of perfect happiness. But part of connecting with people is knowing that you might need to help them through difficult times – and vice versa. If we’re lucky enough to get old with people, stuff happens, no matter what.

If you’d written this letter in a way that suggested you can’t handle any perceived risks, I might have different advice. But you sound psyched about him. Honestly, this seems to be a letter about your parents and how to make them understand.

My advice is to make a decision about how you want to proceed – and then set very clear boundaries with them. You can say “I hear you, but I have made a choice to pursue this, and I’d appreciate your support and love. I’ll let you know if anything changes. Please stop trying to talk me into a different path.”

As for your own concerns, you mention a safety risk for yourself. Maybe this is about him having a health complication while he’s driving? Or maybe this is about what happens to him if he has an acute issue? I have no idea. Regardless, get information you need to be more comfortable. If it means requesting to meet with a doctor, go for it. Hopefully this lovely man will be open to you getting what you need to be more at ease.

– Meredith

Readers? Do you see this from the parents’ perspective? Is it too early in the relationship to worry about any of this?

I’d love to read your question. Send your own letter by using the anonymous form or email [email protected].

Divorce Health 🖤

Featured Comment

LW, thank your parents for their advice and concern, tell them you’ve made your decision, and carry on. If they keep bringing it up, ask them to stop. Dating someone your parents would prefer not is pretty common. Be an adult. You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought. It’s your life, and your decison, not theirs.

Midge- Share Thoughts