Hi Meredith,

I have been seeing my best friend’s brother for about three months now. We have always had a certain connection, but it wasn’t romantic. I have known him for years and he’s significantly younger, so until recently I never thought of him that way. One day my friend was out and I ended up spending the whole day with her brother and it just kind of … happened. Since then, we’ve been spending as much time together as possible, and texting whenever we can’t see each other.

The thing is, I haven’t told my friend because I don’t know how she is going to react. For one thing, he is younger, and even though we are both adults (he’s 20, I’m 25), people tend to think it’s weird when the woman is significantly older than the man. Honestly, I feel a bit weird about it myself, but I really love him (and I know he loves me), and I know that the longer the relationship lasts, the less weird the age gap is going to seem. He and I fit together in a way I’ve never experienced with any other person (I’ve had plenty of experience, including several serious long-term relationships). It seems stupid not to pursue something simply because of the age difference.

The bigger issue I can’t get out of my head is that I haven’t told my best friend. It feels so wrong that I have this big part of my life I’m not talking to her about, because we usually tell each other just about everything. Part of me is worried about how she will react and whether it will affect our friendship, and another part of me is worried about what will happen if he and I break up. I wouldn’t want her to be a part of an awkward situation. He has always hung out with us a lot, and he’s definitely a big part of our mutual friend group. I just don’t know how to move forward from this point.

I hate this feeling of holding back. But I think it makes the most sense to wait to see how our relationship unfolds. If we fizzle out in a few months then I would risk upsetting her over nothing, but if he and I were to turn into something long-term, I would absolutely want her to know and to get her blessing. He says he isn’t worried about telling her but that he wants me to feel comfortable with whatever we decide to do.

– What should I do?