I have no magic answer for this. Randos on dating apps will send suggestive messages, even to people who say they’re looking for something serious. Others will go on apps for attention, even if they’re not looking for a real date.

Two ideas:

1. You’re exhausted, so why not delegate? Have a friend run your account. If you don’t have a friend who’s up to this, find a professional who gets paid for the service. Sometimes dating coaches will take over for a fee. Basically, someone else swipes, filters, and then tells you when it’s worth looking. Let another person go through the mess of bad messages. When it’s worth your time, they can say, “Go on the app and be charming.”
2. I am starting to believe that some of the best apps – especially for tired people – offer only a few profiles a day. You might want to try one of those (like a Coffee Meets Bagel) to see how it feels. You’ll only get a handful of faces at any given time. Maybe you’ll consider those people a bit more, and they’ll be more likely to assess – and respect – the person in front of them.

I can’t tell you whether your experiences are connected to you being a “plus-size woman.” Truly, what you describe seems pretty common – the conversations that go no where, the bad messages, the never-ending circles of conversation. Your experience is your own, though, and I believe you’re dealing with a different kind of frustrating circumstance.

All I can say is that some people will send earnest messages because they’re curious and like what they see. When you get that kind of contact, give it your attention – and see about getting to a first date, even with someone who’s simply looking to meet new people.

It’s like wading through a bunch of strangers at a really loud party until you find a great person to join you in a more quiet corner. Once you get to that corner, you can relax for a bit.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on this experience? Any ways to make it better?

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