Dating apps are tedious

Friday | February 16, 2024

Love Letters Dating

Dating apps are tedious

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I am 31 and find dating apps completely exhausting. The small talk and frequency of messaging back and forth without simply coming up with a plan to meet one another in person, along with the completely inappropriate message exchanges I have received on numerous occasions, drives this feeling of complete fatigue.

Once in a while I will “match” with someone who is straight forward like I am, and we set up a time and place for a date. There is usually some texting leading up to this, which I also find tedious. It just seems like a ridiculous amount of work to simply have an in-person conversation/date with someone. I go on and off of them sporadically because I have so many other better ways to use my time. Spending more time on my iPhone than absolutely necessary is not the way I want to use the finite minutes we’re given on this Earth.

I am wondering what alternatives you would suggest to dating apps? My friend group is very close and they are basically all married to one another – meaning all of these couples are friends and don’t have many friends outside of this group. So being set up with someone through them feels like it’s not even on their radar. I go to yoga classes and I am very active after work. I downloaded the app MeetUp, so I figured I would try that, but any other suggestions for just meeting new people (preferably single men and even women ages 30-40) without having an app involved would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

– Dating Apps are not fun

I’m suggesting a break from pursuing this. If everything feels tedious, stop it.

Even if you met someone at a party, you’d still have to exchange information, send flirty texts, and do whatever it takes to make plans. The whole thing takes effort and involves small talk, confusion, and a bit of frustration. It can feel bigger on the apps because it’s happening with many people at once, but any new relationship requires patience and all of this nonsense.

Small breaks might not be enough. Give yourself a lot of time.

As you take a big break, don’t push yourself to find magic ways to meet potential partners in real life. Just live. Connect with people you haven’t seen in a long time. Be with your friend group and do some things by yourself.

I assume you live in a place where it’s cold. If so, it’ll be easier to try new activities in the summer. Singles events at breweries, porchfests, etc.

This is re-set time. You need it.

Worth noting: I did a story about a new app (Lola) that is designed to pair people who want to have a date that week. The creators told me it’s an answer to too much talking and not enough showing up. Maybe you could check it out. But again, it might be better to do that later.

You’re really burnt out, and you need to take care of yourself.

– Meredith

Readers? Time for a break? How does one cope with dating fatigue? Does it require a break?

Dating Dating fatigue

Featured Comment

“You might have more patience with apps if you understand the dynamics behind them.

Apps, like parties, are aggregators. You are exposed to a lot of potential matches. However the time horizon on the apps is such that a guy can take his time to work through 100 different women before deciding which one(s) to actually meet. If your profile doesn’t jump out, or you’re just average looking or even if you’re located inconveniently you’re going to get a lot of texting before anyone wants to meet you.

Another dynamic is catfishing and how every platform on the internet has been poisoned by bad characters. People have to be much more careful now because they don’t know if they’re meeting a 31 year old single woman or some 63 year old guy in his Mom’s basement.”

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