Hi, I have a unique situation and am hoping to gain some insight. I have been in a relationship with a great guy now for almost two years – but for the last 18 months, he has been incarcerated. We had a wonderful relationship before this came about. The incarceration was the result of something from his past (years before we met) that finally caught up with him and he had to make right. When it all first started, it was a whirlwind of “what ifs” and not knowing how long this would actually drag out. I stuck by his side and was the supportive girlfriend, sending letters, books, funding phone calls, visiting, etc. Then my own life got hectic and I couldn’t commit myself to the demands he needed while he was trying to cope in prison. We didn’t talk for a few months, then we reconciled and things have been somewhat good, but not the same. He will be coming home very soon, and is very excited to start our life together and pretty much pick up where we left off.

The thing is, I feel like I don’t really know him anymore. I have my life and my schedule and can’t imagine him jumping into the picture like nothing has changed. He is going to be struggling to find work, a place to live (he keeps hinting at moving in with me), and I am not in a place to support him either. I feel like we need to get to know each other again, date again, and see if we want to continue this commitment. I pretty much put my life on hold for him in the beginning, then realized that I needed to live my life and not wait around for him to get through this. I don’t want to hurt him, but he seems to think that everything will be great and back to normal right off the bat. I am scared, nervous, and not ready to open my life up to him again like nothing has changed.

I am not sure how to approach this with him, but the clock is ticking, and sooner than later I will see him face to face again. The reality is that I don’t see how he fits into the picture of my life now, as I have had to deal without him here for the last 18 months. I appreciate your thoughts and suggestions.

– 18 Months