You can offer information when it feels right. You don’t owe anybody your full story on a first date – or even a fifth.

If you want to give a short version what happened, you can say you were in a relationship that turned into something unhealthy, which is why you’re single now. That makes sense.

Honestly, I don’t think anyone will question why you’re not in touch with your ex. Many people break up and never speak again.

As you have more and more dates, know that this is about a gut feeling. You share when you’re ready, and the right people for you won’t see this as a red flag. They’ll care about you and listen.

If your past turns out to be a deal-breaker for someone – or you have a strong feeling you shouldn’t open up to a person after a bunch of dates – it’s not meant to be. Not everyone is a match.

I hope you’re not seeing your history as a mark of shame that makes you less valuable as a potential partner. I also hope you’ve spoken to a counselor about what you went through – and whatever feelings that come with it.

Everyone has a few things they’re nervous to talk about on a great date. When people are open and empathetic about your history, it’s a good reminder to return the favor.

– Meredith