Dating A Woman Who’s Being Harassed By Her Boss

Wednesday | February 3, 2016

Love Letters Dating

Dating A Woman Who’s Being Harassed By Her Boss

We chat at 1 p.m.

Hello,

I’ve been dating a wonderful girl, “Kate,” for about two months. This letter is less about a problem we have, and more about an issue she has with her boss – or rather her boss’s boss, a.k.a. the head of the company. He likes to take the work team out to a bar in the middle of the day, which already makes Kate uncomfortable as she’s not a drinker. He also likes to hug and put his arm around the girls and only the girls.

Kate’s actually been warned about his behavior by others who work at the company, but she’s dismissed it because, as she says, “He seems to love his wife so much!” But last week, after some time at the bar, he gave her a hug, then leaned in and made inappropriate contact. It made her very uncomfortable, but she wrote it off as him just being drunk and joking around. She’s still very uncomfortable with the situation and even more uncomfortable around him, however she refuses to do anything about it.

I suggested she go to HR and tell them about what makes her uncomfortable, but she’s afraid to because he’s the head of the company and she doesn’t want to get “blacklisted.” I’ve told her that this isn’t “Mad Men” and that she should speak up. I can’t blame her for just wanting to forget about it, but I have a hard time respecting that. I don’t want to pressure her too hard to do something, because then I worry that she just won’t tell me when things like this happen. Is this something I even have a right to be upset about? How can I be more supportive?

– Work Problems

The tricky part of this letter is that your relationship is new. You’re only two months in, which means you’re just getting to know this woman and how she handles stress and discomfort. You’re probably not her main sounding board. You might not be getting all of the information.

For now, just be a friend and ask open-ended questions. It might help to ask how she’d advise someone in a similar situation. As in, “If a woman at work came to you with this problem, what would you tell her to do?” Kate might need to keep processing these experiences out loud until she figures out her next move.

Just remember that because this relationship is two months old, you’re not experiencing this problem as a couple. Kate is on her own, and yes, her response to this situation may change how you think about her. It might make you like her more – or less. Figuring that out is part of the dating process.

Readers? What’s his role in this?

– Meredith

Dating Office

Featured Comment

it’s a bad sign in any relationship when one partner gets overinvolved in the other person’s life and tries to control it. i know your intentions are good, but you must back off. she is in charge of her life, not you. if she asks you for advice, give it, but don’t take over her problems and issues and make them your own. it’s very unhealthy for a relationship.

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