Dear Meredith,

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly eight years. We started going out when I was 20 and she was 16. It’s been a great relationship for the most part, and we’ve been living together for two years now.

About three years ago, she asked to go on a break. She was only 20 at the time and said she needed space because we’d been together since she was young. I could barely cope and broke down, and she decided to stay based on my reaction. A similar situation happened a few weeks later. A few months after this, I came up with the ridiculous plan to propose. I basically thought that by doing this, I would somehow protect the relationship. She realized what I was doing, and in a nice way told me she wasn’t ready for that commitment. Obviously. A few months later, though, she was ready to move in together.

Since then, things have been great and she openly talks about spending the rest of our lives together. But I recently heard that two years ago, my girlfriend had been seen kissing some other guys. After I discovered this, I confronted her about it and she broke down and admitted the truth. It all happened when she wanted to go on a break – around the time I almost proposed.

She said that after those experiences, she felt ready to move in with me, and that she left those mistakes behind her. She said she didn’t tell me at the time because of how I behaved when she asked for a break. She is an amazing person, and if I had given her space I don’t think any of this would be an issue, but I struggle so much thinking about it.

I will admit, completely hypocritically, that I have had similar lapses (kissing others while drunk).

No relationships really make it from the ages we started going out, and I know she needed space. So why am I struggling so much here? Do people agree that it’s an extremely forgivable situation?

– Struggling