He Can’t Help Looking At Other Women

Tuesday | March 14, 2017

Love Letters Dating

He Can’t Help Looking At Other Women

Short letter for a snow day.

Dear Meredith,

I am a young woman in college and I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him and he’s great, but I think we’re drifting apart. He’s not as affectionate as he was with me before, and I feel like I’ve spent all this time trying to uncover another side of him, but I can’t get to it. This is his first relationship, and I can’t imagine that an attractive guy like him hasn’t wondered what it’d be like to be with other girls.

A thing that fuels this jealousy is that whenever a more attractive woman walks by, he can’t take his eyes off of her. I’ve brought it up to him before and he says he does it because he’s a guy. He says it’s instinct. So I’ve tried to be OK with it, but it just makes me feel insecure. Is it normal to feel like this? Is it because I’m young and we’ve only been together for a year?

– His eyes

It’s not the worst thing to notice attractive people (within reason). Some people do have that instinct. It doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate and desire the person right in front of them. It doesn’t mean that they long for someone else.

Your boyfriend’s behavior is bothering you, I would guess, because your relationship is lacking in other ways. You’re looking for answers, which is why every little thing he does – and looks at – means more than it should. You say, “I feel like I’ve spent all this time trying to uncover another side of him, but I can’t get to it.” That’s the real problem.

You didn’t write anything about what you love about this man, or why the relationship was great before the drift. It’s time to think about that, and whether you’re still enjoying the things that brought you together in the first place. If most of your relationship is spent wishing for more, it might be time to do some looking of your own.

– Meredith

Readers? What about the looking?

Dating

Featured Comment

u0022Sometimes there is no ‘other side’ and what you see is what you get.nnI suggest you accept that that is the case here. Then that leaves you with deciding whether it’s enough for you, or not.u0022 – MajorIssues

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