Dear Meredith,

I was married for over 25 years, divorced for three years, and am now in my 50s. My kids are grown and I am basically happy but for the fact that I seem to end up in a series of committed relationships that are never “the right one.” Some months after my divorce and a lot of first dates, I met a wonderful woman who was my age, and we dated for about six months. I ended things when I realized there were just too many differences between us, and at my age, if a relationship wasn’t going someplace, I didn’t want to lead her on.

I then dated another woman for a few months and ended that one because I realized it wasn’t what I was looking for. I met another wonderful woman, dated her for well over a year, but ended things because she wasn’t the one either. Now I’m on my fourth longer-term relationship, and after quite some time I’m thinking this one isn’t right either.

I like relationships more than being single, but wonder if I rush into them because I’d rather not be on my own. I also question whether I’m being too fussy. At this stage of my life, I’d like to find another life partner, not just a series of dates. When I look at why I date someone for a while in a long-term, committed relationship, I realize that it takes quite a bit of time to figure out whether we are compatible. There’s definitely what seems like a “honeymoon phase,” where things are less bothersome, then you start to view the relationship in the clear light of day and realize that this may not be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Am I being too fussy? Should I stop with the long-term relationships and just date around? At my age should I be approaching things differently? Admittedly, I didn’t spend a lot of time after my marriage ended grieving the end of a decades-long relationship (I got right back up on the proverbial horse and went back to dating). I would appreciate your perspective.

– Local and Lonely