Can You Stay Together If You Date Other People?

Friday | June 30, 2017

Love Letters Dating

Can You Stay Together If You Date Other People?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. We started dating in high school and have been doing long-distance for nine months, but are home for the summer now. (When we’re both at college, he’s four hours away, so we visit about every three weeks). We’re closer and happier than we’ve ever been.

However, the fact that we’re 19 and we’ve been together for so long (and never dated or hooked up with anyone else) is starting to feel a bit weird. We talked about this situation recently, and both of us agreed we kind of want to see what it’s like to date other people, but we really don’t want to break up because we still love each other so much. We talked about trying an open relationship when we go back to school, but we’re worried one or both of us might start having feelings for other people, and one or both of us will wind up jealous and upset. Does this kind of relationship ever work?

My boyfriend is my best friend and I don’t think I’ll lose him if we try this, but it seems likely that at least one of us will get hurt. I really love him and I’m not sure giving into FOMO (fear of missing out) is worth putting strain on our relationship. Thoughts?

– A 19-Year-Old Old Married Lady

I can’t promise you’ll stay together if you seek out other experiences. But you probably won’t stay together if you don’t. At this point, you both want to date other people when you return to school. Your best bet is to get lax with the exclusivity and to promise to be good communicators as you figure out how it feels.

The important step is figuring out the rules. Are you supposed to tell each other everything about your dating experiences? (For the record, I don’t recommend this.) If you have sex with someone else, will you share that information? (It might change the specifics of your own sex life when it comes to health concerns, etc.) Talk about all of this stuff before you begin your FOMO experiment. The guidelines should be in place.

My other tip is to allow each other to have secrets. Dating other people will not be a group experience; some details will be none of your business and vice versa. The one thing you should always disclose is how you feel about each other. Try to talk about that kind of thing – and all important topics – in person.

– Meredith

Readers? Should they try this? Can a relationship survive this?

Dating Distance

Featured Comment

u0022Yeah, this isn’t going to last. I don’t buy this whole need to sew wild oats nonsense. If you are feeling this way it’s an indication you are bored with the person you are with and are looking to see if you can find something better. Proceed with that knowledge.nnWhile some people can make open relationships work without jealousy, for many it’s just the first step to breakup.u0022 – HarajukuBarbie3

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