Here is the basic question: If after a first date I ask the person for a second date, and she says “I was only feeling a friend vibe,” do I have to just move on or can I get back in contact with her again at some point to maybe try to change her mind?

The general background is that I am in my late 30s and got divorced last year. It took me about a year to get back into dating. Since then, I have been on a number of dates. Some were clearly not going anywhere. Sometimes I thought there might be something more and inquired about another date, but was kindly rejected with a response that basically said they liked meeting me too but that they did not feel a spark. But we could still be friends. Fine. That comes with dating and I moved on. But last month I went on a date with a woman I’d met online. We seemed to have a great time. The conversation was completely relaxed.

Anyway, after almost two hours, she goes to the bathroom and comes back and says she needs to get going (it’s after ten on a Wednesday), but that she had a lot of fun and that we should do this again. I agree completely. The bill comes and I go to pay, and she tries to pay for herself, and when I say I will gladly pay for her, she says, “OK, but next time, it’s on me,” and makes me promise to that. I give her a hug and we go our separate ways. I am beyond happy. It was by far the best date I had been on. I send her a text the next day saying it was great meeting you, I had a lot of fun, and ask about getting together again. I don’t hear anything back until the next morning when she writes that she had a lot of fun too, would love to get together again, but that she was just feeling the “friend vibe.” Ugh. I sent back some response saying that I get it and if she ever wants to grab a drink at some point to let me know.

I get the “friend vibe” line is just a polite way to let someone down easy. And when I got a similar response from other dates, I moved on. But this is just different to me. I keep thinking about this woman. I truly believe we did have a lot of fun together (I know, everyone thinks that after being rejected), and I really would like to get a chance to keep getting to now her. More importantly, I would like to give her a chance to get to know me a little more. I also know that in my life, both with my ex-wife and with any serious girlfriend I had before that, it was always a situation where I had a chance to get to know the person a little bit (as opposed to having to make this impression in just one date). I don’t want to be the guy who couldn’t take a hint or this pathetic person who keeps chasing after some a woman who already rejected me. But I don’t like giving up and just feel differently here than I did when something similar came up with other women after dates.

– Can I Change the “Friend Vibe”