My new boyfriend and I have been together for about seven months now. The main problem is that his ex-boyfriend, with whom he had a two-plus year relationship (they were nearly engaged), sends him letters, gifts, art, and more. They’ve been broken up for about a year now. His ex also goes to him for emotional support. They talk on the phone and text.

I found this out after prying about the communication, and we had a temporary breakup. We eventually got back together and he assured me things would change. But later, the “good morning” messages continued and the concerns came back. I voiced my concerns many times – about the gifts, the messages, the inside jokes – but he’s completely unable to fully understand my issue with it, and claims my reaction stems from my own anxiety. All of this conflict was four months ago.

Fast forward today. They still talk and, on occasion, his ex still sends him letters. My boyfriend told him that he does’t want to accept “any correspondence that a normal friend wouldn’t send” (no love letters, etc.). I feel like I’m moving past my jealousy and anxiety about it, but sometimes it really weighs me down. On occasion when we hang out, it’ll be wonderful. Then I see his ex calling him and he’ll send it to voicemail so it doesn’t interrupt us, but I still feel uncomfortable. My boyfriend claims it’s over and over that they’re just friends, and that he’s trying to be there for this ex because they’ve known each other since high school and because his ex is emotionally unstable.

I’ve told him that if anything comes up, or if there’s anything I should be aware of with regard to them, to please, PLEASE, bring it up to me. I simply want to understand and come to a conclusion. He responds that there’s nothing going on, and they just talk like friends. But my gut feeling says otherwise. I don’t want to live in a relationship where there’s a ghost of an ex trailing our path. I know it has a lot to do with my anxiety, but I feel like I’m not completely crazy for feeling this way. What do you all think?

– No Love Letters