App dating is not for me
Q.
Hi Meredith,
I’m a woman full of dreams in search of romantic love.
I’m close to 50. I was married half my life and now it’s been almost six years since I’ve heard “I love you.”
It’s so easy to find men these days – it’s so easy to find women these days – but where are the right people?
I consider myself beautiful, sexy, intelligent, and very fit. I have a wonderful job. But the question is, what do I do as a single person to find love?
I have asked this question for many years, and many people answer that the best love is that you have is love for yourself. I agree – because I find myself calm, at peace – but I want more than that.
I have gotten into all the apps. I have thousands of likes, but I do not like them, nor do I believe that I can find love through this medium, in which people can look at me – and 200 others. It’s not only me, but all my friends who are beautiful and successful and can’t find love.
– a romantic woman
A.
Find a new way to understand the apps. If you rule them out, you’re ruining your odds, a bit.
I know apps might feel cold and unromantic – all of the faces passing by, all of the swiping. But isn’t the process just a virtual version of walking down the street and noticing who stops you in your tracks?
When you’re at a party, you might see 50 people, decide you think one of them is cute, and talk to them. Isn’t an app the same thing?
Sure, the other person on the app might have swiped right on 25 people in a row, but that’s life. You can’t decide how you feel about someone until you get past that first contact, into conversation. That’s when it gets interesting. That’s when the romance takes over (or doesn’t).
It seems you want some magic soulmate to fall into your lap in a way that feels serendipitous. But that’s not how it works.
If quantity is your issue, sign up for an app that only offers a few choices a day. I think that’s the philosophy of Coffee Meets Bagel – that it’s better to have a small list of options because it gives you more time to consider the people you see.
Also try widening the geography of your dating searches. Sometimes the right person is 15 miles outside of your current boundaries, but very much worth a drive.
– Meredith
Readers? Advice for someone who can’t get into dating apps? How have you learned to use them in a way that isn’t depressing or overwhelming?
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