In December of 2015, I started talking to a man I met online. We exchanged phone numbers and began texting each other. Shortly thereafter we decided to meet in person. We had a great time and continued to text and date. He was just getting out of a seriously toxic relationship and didn’t want anything too serious, which was fine with me. Throughout 2016 he would go back to his toxic ex-boyfriend and cease all communication with me, except to tell me they were giving it a go again.

Months into this on-and-off behavior, I began to develop feelings for him. I liked what we had and explained that to him. We even talked about dating each other exclusively, but then he went back to the ex. After they would break up, he would resume texting and we would see each other again. Then, in September, he just completely stopped texting and responding to my texts. I assumed he and the ex were together again. I didn’t hear from him until November 2016. He provided no explanation for what happened, and I didn’t ask.

Since November 2016, we text each other every day but have only seen each other once. Every time I suggest we hang out, he responds with an “I’ll let you know,” or he will ignore the question and send a random text on another topic hours later. Even though we haven’t seen each other and he claims he isn’t seeing anyone, I kind of have feelings for him again and would like to resume dating.

Lately, I have been backing off and not responding right away or responding with just a simple yes or no. I then will get a flurry of texts from him. I no longer initiate texts to him. He always texts me first. We have similar interests, watch the same TV shows, and enjoy similar activities. I should also point out that I am 40 and he is in his early 30s. But that shouldn’t matter, right? I have no idea what is going on or how to proceed. Is he leading me on?

– Hopeless?