Our Age Difference Is Causing Problems

Monday | April 3, 2017

Love Letters Dating

Our Age Difference Is Causing Problems

Dear M,

I have been involved with a wonderful younger woman for some time now. We were friends first, and she worked with me for about a year before things turned into a physical and serious relationship. Here’s the issue: I’m in my 50s and she is … 26.

I never intended to get into a relationship with someone so much younger. I am widowed after 20-plus years of marriage and was not dating or seeking a relationship, but I just let this situation happen without a thought to tomorrow. She and I have more in common than I would have ever imagined for someone not close to my age; it’s not just about the physical aspect. Our age difference has been a problem, though. It has caused a rift with her parents and my friends from when I was married. Her friends will “chill” with us sometimes but don’t seem very happy to be around me. I am thinking I should just end it before her world consists of nothing but me, as I do not want to be the reason she is isolated from everyone else.

I don’t intend to get engaged or married anytime soon and do not want kids. I would hate to lose her and all that goes with it but ending this seems like the best thing for her.

– older/younger

I hate the idea of you ending something to please everyone but yourself, but this is about more than judgment from friends and family. The bigger issue is that you don’t see yourself on this woman’s path. You seem to know that this is temporary, and it’s getting harder to enjoy a relationship with a shelf life.

If you end it – and it sounds like you will – focus on that reason. Let her know that it’s difficult to live in the present when you know that she should be building her future.

Then address the other issue with your own friends. I can understand why they had concerns about you dating a 26-year-old, but they’re supposed to want to see you happy and to support you as you figure out the rest of your life. They should be able to share opinions and to talk you through experiences without making you feel alone. You want to know that you’re all in this together.

– Meredith

Is this a dating issue? A friend issue? Time to break up?

Dating

Featured Comment

You buried the lead with the kids thing. Chances are she wants them, and if you don’t, that’s your deal breaker right there. The rest is not nearly as important as that issue.

MajorIssues Share Thoughts