After A Good Start, She Ghosted Me

Friday | June 16, 2023

Love Letters Dating

After A Good Start, She Ghosted Me

Single and stressed? Coupled but it’s complicated? Have a question about your love life or lack thereof? Submit your own question here. You can also email [email protected].

I recently went on a date and my impression was that it went well. We split the bill, spoke of goals in life, shared laughs about an array of topics, and left the night with a hug and a “see you again” expression. That date was Thursday night. We texted over the weekend here and there, and it was a two-way feeling with the texting – she asked me what I was doing, etc.

I was getting a good feel for this and was thinking, “Cool first date, didn’t hook up after first date, continuing dialogue in the days after, and the same volume of conversation is still happening consistently days after.” Texted her Monday, though, and didn’t hear back. No biggie. I’m 32, she’s 27; we’re adults and people are busy. But two days turning into a week was a clear sign of ghosting.

How do I keep my motivation up and not get discouraged after this kind of disappointment? I want to keep believing in relationships.

– First Date

You texted after the date. Back and forth, back and forth. But did you ever ask her out again? Did you attempt to make a plan?

Sometimes, when a conversation seems like it’s ping-ponging back and forth without going anywhere, a person gives up. Maybe she lost interest or met someone else, but perhaps she was discouraged by the pace of things. Just throwing it out there as a possibility.

A lesson: after a good first date, make another one soon. Texting is nice, but you don’t need to have long “what are you up to” conversations before you put something on the books. We talk a lot about not texting too much before a first date – because why invest the time before you’ve even met? But I think that’s something to consider for a second date, too. Why not keep the momentum going and ask for the next meeting?

If you did ask her out and she didn’t respond, oh well. Give yourself a break, see friends, treat yourself to an activity you like, and then start again. Dating can be exhausting. You have to refuel by doing things you love.

Another ideal for morale: talk to couples about their courtships. Meeting someone involves a lot of luck combined with effort, but it’s possible. Love stories are good reminders that there’s reason for optimism.

– Meredith

Readers? Thoughts on getting from Date 1 to 2? When is it OK to get excited after a good date? Should the letter writer ask for a second date now or is it too late?

Dating Dating fatigue Ghosted