Meredith,

This is an embarrassing topic, but I am sure some of your male readers can relate. I recently met a woman and we seemed to have many connections, which made dating her feel relaxed. We would communicate often, and I was transparent with my existing marital status (separated, though no divorce paperwork filed yet), which she readily accepted. We are also in our early 50s.

A few weeks ago, I demonstrated an inability to perform, which caused our evening to wind down rather quickly. As we both worked the next morning, I went home only to ruminate on the events of the evening. Four days later, still feeling embarrassed by what occurred (or in my case did not happen), I reached out to her to explain that while I enjoyed her company, this might be an ongoing problem.

My doctor and I discussed this subject matter a few years back, and even medication was not helpful. The question I raised to this woman was how important that part of our relationship was, and I asked if we could discuss it together. She responded the following day by saying she was very concerned over what occurred and was contemplating her concerns since. She agreed we needed to discuss this issue together because it is an important part of a relationship – one she wanted to continue having – but needed some time. I thought her giving me days during the following week when she was not working meant she would welcome any overture from me but is not the case. We went from talking daily to complete silence since, which has me thinking she made up her mind and placed a priority on sexual activity. When did this become an all-or-nothing relationship? And why is this still weighing heavily on me?

– Waiting