A college freshman concern about dating and friendships

Monday | August 25, 2025

Love Letters Dating

A college freshman concern about dating and friendships

Send your own anonymous relationship, dating, and friendship questions to [email protected] or fill out this form.

Hi Meredith!

I’ll be a college freshman this fall. I have a question about what you should or should not tell friends when it comes to your personal relationships.

To give more detail: aside from wanting to thrive academically, I also want to make new friends and possibly have a boyfriend. But for me, I already know that I won’t tell my friends about having a boyfriend, or, if I do, it will be very little information.

My question comes from seeing people in real life who ask their friends when they have a partner, “How’s the sex life?” And the person always answers! I feel like that’s a VERY personal question that should only be kept between my boyfriend and me. It also annoys me when someone asks that question, too. I want to keep things private between my partner and me, not because I’m insecure, but because I’ve seen that when you tell other people about your relationship, and they know too much, it tends to sabotage that relationship.

However, I also know that boyfriends or girlfriends get angry when their partner doesn’t introduce them to their friends and family. I’m fine with introducing my boyfriend to my family, especially my mom, but I want to keep things private when it comes to friends.

I want to tell my friends what Aria from “Pretty Little Liars” said when her friends asked about one of her relationships; she said “It’s fine” to every question.

But also, I don’t want to offend people by not telling them about boyfriends. Please help!

– Girl who wants to Keep Relationship Private

Say whatever you want, whenever you want. But please know: excellent friends do more than criticize, gossip, and sabotage.

I have seen some of “Pretty Little Liars.” If that’s your model for friendship in grownup/college life, please find a different show. I recommend “Broad City” – because the friends in it are everything.

Good friends listen. They hear you when you say, “I don’t know how things are going yet, but I’m having fun.” That’s one line you can use when you don’t want to give an update. A few more: “We shall see.” “I have high hopes.” “Too early to know.” “Thank you for asking. I’m excited about it.”

If people are focusing on sex, you can explain that you don’t have anything to share. Or you can say, “No complaints.” Deliver that line with a smile.

You can also ask these friends about their lives. As in, “Is everything OK with you?” Then listen. Learn to be good to them.

From what I see, college students bond over pop culture, classes, bad dorm food, homework, weather, politics, family stories, and sports. Dating is just one small part of it.

Again, “Pretty Little Liars” isn’t an accurate snapshot of anything. Not even when Aria goes to Boston University.

I hope you meet a friend you can trust with everything. Know that it’s possible.

– Meredith

Readers? Do college students really just want to talk about dating? I get the strong sense they are thinking about other things. Please, students, weigh in on how to make friends without oversharing.

Send your own anonymous relationship, dating, and friendship questions to [email protected] or fill out this form.

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