Dating

Alone in St. Bart’s – with a cat

Today’s Love Letters podcast episode proves that travel teaches us things about ourselves and relationships – even if it isn’t always perfectly cinematic.

Chris took this cat photo in Nafplio, Greece.  Christopher Muther

By Meredith Goldstein, Globe Staff

4 minutes to read

Been around the world

One time when I traveled alone, I ate something weird and wound up spending an hour in a commuter rail bathroom outside of New York City.

I share this … because traveling alone isn’t always the perfect, life-changing experience we want it to be. Sometimes it’s unpleasant!

Movies about romance and self-discovery tell us that when we travel alone (especially if we’re women!), we will …

  • Suffer through a few challenges, like maybe a weird bug in our sheets or cold bath water.
  • Then we’ll eat tasty food.
  • Then we’ll realize that our recent breakup was for the best, because we need to know who we are – as a woman alone!
  • Then, the second we ARE alone, some hot person will show up to look at us like we’re a tasty steak.
  • Then that person will want to have sex with us and probably marry us, and we won’t be alone anymore.

When I was in my early 20s, I used to fantasize about going to Prague (a place I knew little about). 

I’d be sitting in a smoky club (I have horrible asthma – this would be terrible for me IRL!), and then some man would wander over and sweep me off my feet. 

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He would do this, of course, without messing up my life, getting in the way of my career, etc. He would say, “Anything you want.” )

The fantasy would usually end there and I’d go back to watching Buffy.

Anyway … the point of all this is that today’s Love Letters podcast episode proves that travel teaches us things about ourselves and relationships – even if it isn’t always perfectly cinematic.

Proving this is our guest, Globe travel writer Christopher Muther. He tells a story about dating, breakups, and what traveling alone has done for his confidence.

Chris in Siesta Key, Fla., shortly before falling off his bike.

His tale includes a night alone in romantic St. Bart’s, where Chris’s only companion was a cat. This wasn’t the worst thing for Chris, because he loves cats.

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This story should make you laugh and put you in a very good mood. 

Chris took this cat photo in Nafplio, Greece.  – Christopher Muther

Also, there are LOTS of cats in this story, for you cat people out there.

[Listen on Apple | Listen on Spotify] 

After you listen, tell us where you’ve traveled and found yourself – or others. Maybe we’ll get some vacation ideas.

Two answers

Sometimes people send letters to more than one advice column. I’ll notice weeks later, that not only did someone write to me at Love Letters, but they also hit up someone else. 

Then I ask myself: do I want to see what another advice columnist thought about the same question?

Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it’s no.

A recent letter writer sent a note to me – and to Slate’s Dear Prudence … and I did want to look at the answer. Partly because I love Prudence (a.k.a. Jenée Desmond-Harris). 

The letter writer asked us whether it would be a good idea to disclose a crush to a longtime friend who hasn’t picked up on hints.

Prudence said don’t do it – because it’s pretty clear a relationship is out of the question. 

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I said do it – because I feel like the letter writer *needs* to get an answer before moving on to someone else. 

Basically, I thought that a rejection might make it easier to move on. 

And if the crush is reciprocated, great! Everyone wins!

But I fully understand Prudence’s advice, too. It could go either way.

Here’s our column.

Here’s the Dear Prudence version.

What do you think? What would you tell the letter writer? 

Also, have you ever written in to multiple advice columns to get a crowd-sourced sample?

We’re happy if you pick Love Letters for your questions.

Remember, you can get advice by sending your own anonymous relationship/dating/marriage/breakup/friendship question to [email protected] or use this anonymous, handy form. 

When you send your own letter, it helps someone who’s been stressing out about the same thing.

Going green

A reminder to Celtics fans, we have a great sports episode about the time the Celtics won in 2008. 

If you’re wondering how it feels to be the wife of a basketball player whose life becomes very, very intense in June, listen to Shannon Allen share her very unique story here. 

Perfection

Speaking of travel, I was in Provincetown for the film festival earlier this month.

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I saw Murray Bartlett, of “White Lotus” and “The Last of Us,” twice – randomly. (No, I did not approach. I kept my fandom to myself.) 

I also saw a rainbow there, during pride month, in one of the most wonderful, gayest spots in the world, which felt very on the nose – but very nice. 

I hope you all get the chance to see something beautiful this week. 

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