Will He Be Giving Up Too Much To Be With Me?

Friday | April 27, 2018

Love Letters Dating

Will He Be Giving Up Too Much To Be With Me?

I’m in love with a man who’s 25 years older. I’m 30 and he’s 55. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but I can’t help the way I feel. I just have so much fun with him and we relate on such a real and honest level. Things feel so easy and natural between us, and we work great together. I love him and want to be with him and have a family, and he seems very serious about being with me and wanting to start a family with me.

But I’m worried; he worked so hard his whole life and he deserves to be able to enjoy his retirement/golden years, but I love my job and I know I’ll be busy working while he might want to do other fun stuff. I know that because of the age difference, we are in different points in our life paths. He says that he has always wanted to have a family and is willing to give some stuff up (like traveling all the time, which I know he really loves), but will he really be happy giving up so many things to start one with me?

I don’t want him to miss out on the things he deserves just because he wants to be with me. Also, what are some of the other potential problems we might not have thought about?

– Happy

At 55, he probably knows what he wants. If he’s telling you he’ll be happy skipping a life of travel to have kids with you, please believe him. He’s had plenty of time to think about this stuff.

You mention some of the things he’d be giving up, but what about you? If you stay with him, you’ll be making your own sacrifices. Some people will say you’ll be missing out on the chance to be with a real peer who can experience things with you for the first time. Others will tell you to worry about what happens when you’re older. But these are not the issues you bring up in your letter. You feel lucky to be with this person, and that’s that.

I could make a list of potential problems for your future, but … I could make a list like that for any couple, no matter the age difference. Building a life with someone is complicated, and there are always challenges.

You seem set on this person being the right partner, and you’re both happy. That’s the most important thing.

– Meredith

Readers? Anything to anticipate here?

Dating