My Boyfriend Isn’t Really My Boyfriend
Happy Valentine’s Day. As promised, for pre-sale kickoff week, this is a reveal of the chapter titles for “Can’t Help Myself,” the book from the Globe and Love Letters, which will be released April 3. You can see them here. We’ll have book party info soon. You can still enter to win the early copy.
Q.Hi Meredith!
I’ve come to you with a rather complicated problem. Basically, what is happening is that my boyfriend isn’t really my boyfriend. You see, I had the “what are we” chat with him a while back. I made it clear that I wanted to be his girlfriend. He has some mental health issues and had an anxiety attack after I asked the question. After that, we kind of silently agreed that we shouldn’t talk about it and that I should not push the envelope.
He has had some unpleasant experiences with women, and I’m suspecting that’s why he doesn’t particularly enjoy the concept of a relationship. Usually, I would have absolutely no problem waiting for him to get comfortable enough to have that talk again, but the problem is that I’m moving. I want to be able to show him off to my friends, go on dates, hold hands in public, and all of that couple stuff before we have to figure out what’s next. My question for you: Should I leave it or sit him down for a talk once again? He is such a sweetheart and I don’t want to see him in a broken state again.
– Complicated
A.This problem isn’t so complicated. The simple solution is to break up.
Sorry to deliver this news on Valentine’s Day; the timing isn’t great. But your letter states – quite clearly – that this man “doesn’t particularly enjoy the concept of a relationship.” The idea of being partners gives him great anxiety. He’d prefer to maintain the status quo, whatever that is.
Meanwhile, you desire the kind of person who’s thrilled to hold hands in public. Sweethearts are great, but … this one isn’t yours.
Start planning your move with the assumption that he won’t be along for the ride. Tell him it’s become clear that you both want different things, and that you need to focus on yourself. It’s the right thing to say – because it’s true.
– Meredith
Readers? Should the letter writer give this more time?
Be civil. Be kind.
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